Q & A Archives

These are Questions & Answers posed by ordinary people looking for guidance.  Dr. Judy Baus has thoughtfully answered each person and feels that these responses just might help someone else in their time of need.

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11/01/2009 07:36 PM

Dear Judy,
I am a sophomore in high school and I hoped this year would be better than last. Sports is not my thing so that leaves me out of the in crowd. Dad has been in and out of jail, and finally just left us all. Mom works hard and does her best. I love her very much. I have gone to church but feel out of place there too; they also have an in crowd. I don’t feel I fit anywhere, and some mornings I just don’t want to get out of bed.

Dear Just Don’t Fit,
I am sorry that you are feeling this way and that you have had to be exposed to a part of life that is certainly difficult. Being a teen is not easy, no matter what’s going on in the family. But it is easier when you have a father figure in the home who takes responsibility for the family and wants to protect and provide for them. It would be easier on you, your mom, and believe it or not even on your dad if he had stepped up to the plate as a dad. But you do not have that and thousands of kids across the nation join you in this great adjustment in life.

You did not tell me if you have spoken with your mom about these issues going on in your life. I know she is busy working to provide for you, but part of that provision is to help you with your decisions and emotions. When you feel down, you can think that your mom doesn’t have time to listen or wouldn’t understand, but I’d hope she would make the time for you to share these feelings. Why don’t you give it a try! Allow the love you feel for her to be shared with her love for you.

You only have three more years of high school--then what? The most important thing in school right now is that you learn the material and get good grades. All through life you will experience in crowds or cliques but do you really want to be part of that? Do you want to be part of a closed group that causes others to feel the way you do right now? Of course you don’t. Be who you are, not someone defined by a certain group or activity. These come and go but character is who you are.

I am also sorry that you found cliques in the church. In crowds should not be found in a church but they are unfortunately. That will only change when people like yourself choose not to be part of a clique, and have friends according their character and nothing else. We go to church for God and to bless Him and have Him bless us.

Before you get out of bed, read your Bible and then you will feel more like facing your day. The Lord wants to show you that He is your heavenly Father and that He will never leave you nor forsake you. He will be your friend when you feel friendless. He will direct you to an exciting future and help you make the proper decisions to fulfill that future.

Don’t allow people or circumstances to dictate who you are but allow the Lord to show you who you are meant to be. If you will ask the Lord Jesus Christ to help you, He will. We go to church not to be entertained but to be touched by God and another human can’t do that; only God can. So next time you go to church look up, not around. Also, most high schools, no matter how small, have activities other than sports. Find something you enjoy doing. Hope this helps you  realize you don’t need to fit into a group-- just to be who you are and trust God to help you!